Getting Past the Dark Space that is not so Dark!

I cant remember what day it is right now. I am still 9 stone and I am eating cooked food.
It started with a meal with a friend. I was about to say no and just eat my salad and suddenly I felt isolated and lonely and fed up of salad. I went off and had a really good laugh and did eat chips and eggs... with peas... well something green is good is it not?.. :-)

The food felt good and I felt good. I waited for bad things to happen. They didn't. My stomach was still hurting before and after.

I went to the supermarket on the way home and there was little food in the place. I was really fed up. Raw was getting hard, without this added problem. I wanted a kale salad.. but without kale I could not have any. My second choice would be a berry spinach smoothie but there were not berries in the whole supermarket. It looked like they were needed a delivery very soon. I then gave into one of my cravings. I bought some wraps, some non-organic spinach, some veggy mayo and some soya burgers. I had a spinach soya burger wrap with some homemade tomatoes, and a little mayo. I really enjoyed this. My stomach still hurt and I went to bed with a book.

Yesterday was very similar except that I had to travel to a meeting. I did have only fruit for lunch but then had another soya burger for evening meal.

I reflected on how I was feeling. I felt better in some way strangely. My mind was slowing down and I could concentrate again. I suddenly felt more happier going to work and doing some research. I also felt things were happening in my stomach.

This is not good news for raw. I assume that the raw is causing problems, or causing detox. I also felt that I was in a raw space that did not fit into my current world and I was really afraid that I might have to give it all up.. and what for? I had not found any mission or vision that I would feel safe about giving it all up. I have a big mortgage and need a job to pay. I spent my whole life being a pschologist and human factors person... do I really want to give this up... what do I do instead. I now felt more normal, more able to fit in the world. This is quite an interesting revellation. I need to reflect more on this.

Meanwhile I need to find a way to raw that does not include so much pain and turmoil. I need to figure out what to do next.

This morning I woke up early and felt good. My stomach pains had finally gone and I was really ready to clean the house and sort my life out.

So how do I keep this feeling and keep raw which I still believe is important to my health and well-being. How do I get past and long, long, painful detox. I cant find anyone else who has blogged out this. No-one else seems to be having weeks of pain. So not sure what to do. But I do need to blog the bad and the good.

See you soon.