Wow... I am having a really amazing day. I am really retreating and having some really deep thinking and some synchronicities. I hope you dont mind if I try and journal some of this in todays post. I believe that many of you that have been raw for a few weeks will start to have these kind of thoughts ro dilemmas as your cells get cleaner and you start to do emotional detoxing.
I was thinking about trying to get clearer about my life and started to read about Fiona Harrold in a book. I signed up to her website but when I logged on I found that I had signed up before and for one of the courses (or else it is free!). I started to think about this course which is Reinvent Yourself. That is what I am always trying to do. It is a module which I think I do in 4 weeks.
The module had some great quotes
You have far greater control over who you are than you think. You are redesigning yourself anew everyday. The question is not ‘Who am I?’ but ‘Who do I want to be?’ Your character, your personality and mental outlook are all in your hands to shape and fashion as you wish.
"It is never too late to be who you might have been." (George Eliot)
Enjoying what you have in the now is one of life’s gifts – and challenges.
Don’t make life intolerable for yourself in the present as you shape your future. Appreciation and understanding of where you are right now is crucial. Resist the temptation and tendency of many over-eager self-improvers to undervalue, even loathe yourself right now. Do not suspend liking yourself until you’re somebody else.
I have come across people who have been ‘working on‘ themselves, improving themselves for 20 years and more, attending seminars, reading every self-help book that was ever written and it all added up to one perpetually dissatisfied person, searching for an ever elusive perfection.
Beating yourself up is not an effective way to build morale and motivation. By the time you reach your destination you could have lost the knack of liking yourself altogether and be already fixated on the next set of goals.
The next thought really started to make things happen for me.
This is not what true reinvention is about. The reinvention I have in mind for you does not require you to be another person. It requires you to be the best version of you.
I know that I am always wanting to start my life when I become the new me. I really need to appreciate the me now and then just think about enhancing me. I suddenly had the vision that I was a beautiful diamond.. or whatever gem... but right now I had not been polished etc so you could not see the gem I was. Of course what happens if I dont want to be a diamond... See how easy it is for me to get to be negative.
I am the most beautiful gem in the world. I am so unique that this gem has not been named but is so valuable because there is no other gem in the world like me. I am the RawCarol gem.. I am all colours, different colours at different times.... I am amazing and have magical properties, but right now I have been mined, but the world does not recognise me as a valuable gem, I dont know what gem I am myself... I do know I am a gem, but covered in dirt etc. I need to be chiselled and polished and then put into a beautiful necklace or crown or something. I can decide later.
So this is my vision. I am learning how and who will chisel me. I was taught as a child that I had to do things myself otherwise I would be cheating. I was not good at anything except exams. I learnt my skills well. I learnt that the only thing I could do was read books and then write down what I had read. I then got rewarded for doing this. I did not get rewarded for anything else. but I only got rewarded if I did this myself. If I cheated then I knew that I would not get rewarded, and if I did not work hard reading and remembering and understanding... I would not get rewarded. I now seem to have a life about reading and remembering, but nobody is interestd in rewarding me... so know I have to find a reward.. like a better me. Is this a sad life or my mission.. I dont know. That is why I am so overwhelmed and perhaps depressed. Part of me is very comfortable with just reading and learning. I love it. but part of me wants some reward... some recognition by others... or perhaps I want to just know what it is like to enjoy life in a different way.
This is very deep and is in insight into what my brain is thinking about all the time. Is this my ego, is this detox, is this my soul, is this my heart. Do I listen, do I ignore... no-one seems to give advice on this.
I hope this is the jewel trying to crack out of its dirty shell... perhaps the jewel needs some help and I need to find some people to help me. The optimist side of me wants to believe that this is my cells getting clearer and wanting to do something different and exciting.. or just satisfying. I can do anything.. everything.. .I just have to decide what it is.. this is very different to thinking what is it that I am meant to do. I want to change to I can decide what it is that I am meant to do.. .and I can keep reinventing to do everything that I decide I can do. The raw food will help to focus me and to keep me living longer so I can do everything. So rather than think what one thing I should be doing... I will write a list of all the things I want to do.. a list that may keep changing and what can I start to do right now.
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After its passing, we were then given an opportunity to shed a lot around us. We may have suddenly felt as though it was time for a big housecleaning, and not just our physical homes! After all we had been through in the past few months and weeks, it was indeed time for a rest…time for us to find sacred spaces, shed and purge anything in our lives which had not felt good to us, and know that we could now live and be free and clear of any denser and unpleasant energies (within and without).
We had actually and finally come home….it was indeed time for the “other side.” We could now be here and feel the peace, tranquility, ease, and comfort that had escaped us in recent times past. It was time to be back in our comfort zones once again…comfort zones we had not been in since March of 2007.
This purging can manifest as intestinal distress and pressure, bladder pain, muscle pain, and exhaustion. It can even feel as though there are toxins within our bodies that just plain hurt. It can be difficult to eat much of anything during these times, and difficult to eat at all as our bodies are going through so much. Eating light and drinking lots of pure water are always good remedies.
This sounds like what has been happening to me
Today a friend came round and we went out and did some gardening and then went into the woods. It was magical. Although it was just 3 hours out of my day, it changed my whole day. I was able to harvest some courgettes (zucchini) and some tomatoes. I also found that a hornet's nest had been built in my compost bin. So it was very difficult to weed close to it. I was being attacked by wasps and red ants. Still it was fun.
I spent the rest of the evening ironing and washing up, and then made a smoothie and watched TV.
So what did I eat today?
herbal tea
melon
flax crackers with little avocado on some
mushroom pizza (large mushroom, avocado, tomato, beetroot, nori sprinkles) with lambs lettuce and lemon juice
young coconut
pina colada smoothie (coconut, banana, pineapple)
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