Music not TV

I had my usual breakfast and then as I was getting dressed I got on the scales. I was really disappointed. I am nearly 9 stone again. I have put on nearly 7lbs in just a day or two. How? Why?

Was it the bit of larabar.. Is my body doing some strange healing. Have I secretly developed brain muscle from all the thinking I have been doing?

Oh well I have to trust that my body knows what it is doing. In fact it is doing something strange because I manged to fit into a pair of black cords that I have not been able to fit into since March? So why am I thinner but heavier?

I had meeting all day, but this one was with like-minded people and I really enjoyed the day.  We want to do some research in a new area, but cant get funding.  We came up with some ideas for a new proposal that we could take to some people who might fund a study.

I took them to a free lunch in the canteen and I sat with my kale salad.  I got the comments, that looks colourful... but I would be hungry if I ate just that.  I did eat just that and tried not to feel hungry or envious of their cooked food.  Fortunately  our canteen food is not the kind of food that I would eat so that bit was easy.  I really enjoyed my kale salad, but need to make more next time.

I went home at the end of the day via Tescos which had lots of young coconuts.. I now have even more... must have 10 in total in my kitchen.  They had no berries though.. that was a blow.  I took some nectarines and some plums.  I like plums but not sure how to make smoothies with nectarines or plums.  I tend to just eat them.

I had two young coconuts and later a bag of dired mango.  I was hungry but I really was too exhausted to tackle the kitchen mess in order to make something to eat.  I was going to just watch TV, but I found that my brain was working overtime.  I dont think I have physical energy but lots of mental energy right now.  I wanted to listen to music.  I just wanted music.  So I did a little of of the huge pile of washing up and composting that needs to be done in the kitchen, watered my plants and then I went to bed feeling a little better but hungry.

Back to Normal

Woke up about 6.30am before alarm. I was not too sleepy. Reading does help.. and no period of course.

I weighed my self and found that I had put on a couple of pounds, but I felt like my trousers were looser.

I was 8 stone 7lbs or 119lbs. But still about 1/2 stone lighter than 33 days ago.

I had the usual breakfast and took a kale salad to work. I found it hard not to eat it too quickly as I was just so hungry. I ended up having 2 herbal teas in the afternoon to stop me from thinking about food. Then I started eating a Larabar (Pecan variety) that I had hidden in my bag. I think it might have been out of date by now, but I could not find any date. I had about 1.3 of the bar and felt that it was just too heavy.

I got home and had a raspberry, banana, coconut water, kale smoothie. I found this a bit peppery so maybe I put in too much kale.

I went to bed early with a book.

Strange for some reason I am not wanting to crash on the sofa and watch TV. I am really into reading right now. In fact, my brain seems to be in high speed mode... it is just thinking and going over things and is driving me mad. Reading is the only thing that stops it, but when I stop reading... I keep going over things, but not one thing... like lots of things almost in parallel .. it is wearing me out.

I need to try and calm my mind more. Or maybe I need to declutter my house ... this might help. Not that there is much left to declutter, but I think it is time to support something that is shifting inside me.

Oh well... maybe sleep will help

Happy High

This morning I woke up and felt great. Wow what a change from past week. I ate my granola, fruit breakfast and a herbal tea. I listened to some raw food audios. I grabbed some kale salad, added some alfalfa sprouts which were ready, and some pine nuts. I was good to go and so I went.



Driving to work in the car, I was singing with the radio and feeling very high. It was a great feeling. It dampened a bit as I got near to Bristol the city where I work. I definitely enjoyed green grass, trees and rivers more than grey concrete cities.



I spent the morning with work problems and then enjoyed a wonderful kale salad. Strange to think that I was not really keen on this last year. I am realling enjoying sundried tomatoes.

I was really hungry today, but did not have anything to eat other than my usual
granola and fruit
kale salad
smoothie.. this time with banana, coconut water, raspberries and a little camu camu powder.

I need some time off work to make some treats and crackers maybe to give me some more calories when I feel very hungry. Fruit just does not do it for me, plus there was not a lot of organic fruit in the supermarket this week.

Still I managed to get a new Anne Perry book from the library and went to bed early in order to read it.

day 32: Living in the Now

My period pains returned and my energy crashed and it has been a bit of a trial so I have not been able to post.

I have ate the usual
breakfast is granola, soaked in orange juice with banana and berries
Simple salad with whatever I can chop up. With a bit of veggy mayo (cooked).

I tried to make some raw mayo but I tried two recipes and did not like either. I made some mayo and some coleslaw. It was not good... not bad.. but not good. Today I added a couple of teaspoons of veggy mayo to give a bit of a lift to it. Strange I found the nut taste to be reasonable but a bit dead. I also found that the olive oil tasted too strong and did not like it. I will continue looking for other mayo recipes

I also have been hacking into young coconuts and having lots of my 2nd favourite smoothie... young coconut water, any coconut meat, 1/2 pineapple, and 1 banana. Yummy.

I am reading self help books and raw blogs to keep the inspiration going whilst I have such a hard time with this period. I intend not to have this hard time next time (which unfortunately coincides with my trip to Sedona).

I am trying to live in the now as the books say, but it is hard when the now includes pain. I keep thinking it is down to the food, or detox, or whatever... but in the end pain, loss of energy, feeling unwell is quite a big thing.. Do I cancel it .. or do I feel it and give up and really feel the dark side. Or perhaps I just put up with it and put life on hold and wait for the pain etc to go away and start again another day.

I managed to do some washing up (too much to do in one sitting) and I forced myself to make some kale salad and then just go to bed early.

Sunday and the sun is shining

Today I woke feeling a lot better. I had a herbal tea and found some energy to clean my kitchen and wash up from past few days. Now I feel I can start to make raw food again.

I went out with stuff to compost and discovered from my neighbour that I had a wasp's nest at the back of the house. I wondered why there seemed to be a lot of wasps at my back window.

I watered my tomatoes and despaired at the garden which was a jungle again. I went back in and made myself a carrot, spinach, apple, celery juice. It went down far too quickly for the effort that it takes to make it. Then I got stomach bloated and full feeling, like I did with the smoothie last night. I did not quite feel as sickly though. Wonder why the cooked spaghetti did not make me feel ill. Not fair!

day 29: not a good saturday

My computer is fine again.. but I am in totally agony with period pains.  I was so close to having some of the only cooked food I could find last night.. some pasta and a jar of tomato sauce.  I wanted warmth and comfort without any chopping etc.  I did not succumb because I was in too much pain to stand stirring the pan and wait for pasta to cook.  I told myself cooked was not the answer... I was tired from going to the restaurant and getting an external hard drive for my pc.  I had managed to get 6 young coconuts from Tesco and I cancelled my cooked food thinking and started to dream about young coconut water.   I managed to get the energy to cut into a coconut and then had a mango.  I took my painful uterus to the computer and installed the hard drive and then thought I could just copy my current hard drive.  No not that simple since some files were being used and could not be copied.  This meant that I had to stay at the computer and manually copy each folder and then each file until I had them all done.  It took about 3 hours.  But I seem to have a stable computer and dont have to reformat my drive yet.  If I do then I have a full backup, warts and all, and so I feel safe that I wont have lost any important file.

So food.   I really think that my period is worse on raw food, but then I am believing that if I stay very raw for 3 months this will change.  That is my belief and that is what I am going to manifest.

Meanwhile I have lots of fruit and vegetables and a weekend to make raw food.. and all I want to do is lie down and die.  So I am going to log off and lie down and watch some raw videos.  I have lots from years ago. Or maybe I should watch a movie and just enjoy myself.  I think I am getting too overwhelmed with raw food.  I think that the truth seems to be that everyone has their own way of making raw food happen.  And this is good.  We must find a way that is in harmony with out bodies, at first trying lots of things since we wont know what is best for ourselves.

Right now I just crave avocados which I have not had a lot of.  So I will have some.

I do need to make more granola, but dont have raw oats so will have to make do with cooked organic oats.  I will put lots of goji berries in it to compensate.  I also need to make some kind of bread and some kind of sweet treat.

I also had some good news on the sedona front.  I have booked my table at SAF and was trying to find somewhere nice and cheap to stay in london but could not really find anywhere.  I was waiting for something to appear on a last minute website and then my friend said that they were driving to heathrow that day and they could take me and I could stay with them.  I mentioned SAF and in return I just have to buy them a raw meal.   So now I have someone to eat with.  How wonderful is that.  So I changed the SAF reservation to two.

I am so looking forward to it.

I got really ill again in the evening and I tried to have a carob smoothie but this really made me feel sickly. I ended up making some healthy spaghetti and going to bed.  

This is not a great Saturday.  I am bleeding like mad... and I dont usually bleed very much at all.  I hope tomorrow is better.

VIRUS eating my computer

My PC is being attacked and Norton and AVG are not able to cope. So I am on my work PC and I will be spending next few days trying to reformat hard drive and reinstall XP so I am going to find it difficult to blog.

Meanwhile I am getting fed up of being in PMT mode. I still dont have a period and I feel really tired and fed up and just want to murder people.

I have remained very simple raw... there are no young coconuts... but just had granola and salads and fruit.

I am busy reading about positive thinking and I will be putting pyramids on my computer until all is well again.

See you soon.